Penance
by pisces317
Summary: Carson pays a penance. But can he help others see that they don't need to pay one as well? Carson whump. Team fic. Please R&R


**Title: **Penance

**Summary: **Carson pays a penance. But can he help others see that they don't need to pay one as well? Carson whump. Team fic.

**Spoiler: **See Author's note. :)

**Disclaimer: **Not mine, just borrowing.

**Author's Note: **Takes place in an AU where Elizabeth never died but Carson _did. _This Carson is the clone. Roughly season 6.

* * *

><p>"What happened to all of you?" Doctor Jennifer Keller asked eying the SGA-1 team that hobbled through the infirmary doors. Sandwiched between Ronon and Colonel Sheppard hung her boss, Doctor Carson Beckett, completely unconscious, bleeding lightly from the head and sporting more than one bruise. Behind her, Marie gathered Doctor Cole and two more PA's to help sort through the bedraggled team. All five of them stood across from the team, staring at them with a mixture of shock, annoyance, and exasperation.<p>

"The Wraith," Ronon answered succinctly, managing to put as much hatred and menace as he could into the two, simple words.

Jennifer sighed. She wanted to do nothing more than extract more information via pointing out that through the last few years, the Wraith had all but left them alone but right now she had a duty to perform and patients to sort out. "All right," she conceded, the two words signaling for her fellow coworkers to swarm over the team like ants upon sugar. "Ronon, Colonel Sheppard, put Carson under the scanner for me then allow Marie and Lana to take a look at the both of you."

"We're fine," Ronon said by way of argument as they gently lowered Carson onto the scanner bed.

"I'm glad you think so but you both know as well as I do that it's policy to have a post mission check-up when you return so you _will _allow these two lovely ladies to attend to you. You got it?" Jennifer rolled her eyes when she saw both military men smirk at her attempt at being as commanding as Carson but it was her turn to smirk, almost proudly, when they allowed Marie and Lana to lead them to the triage part of the infirmary.

She stood off to the side, allowing the Ancient scanner which was an X-Ray, MRI and CT scan all in one to circle her boss and friend's prone form. The data pad in her arm beeped happily as it received information from the machine. It spouted words, symbols and numbers that would only be comprehensible to someone in the medical profession. The scanner shut down but she didn't notice it as she read through the data that had been given.

The numerous injuries alone made her wonder if the Scot had gone hand to hand with a Wraith warrior but she knew that it was highly unlikely given how inexperienced he was in that area. Oh she knew Carson could handle himself in a fight but she also knew the warrior Wraith to be more aggressive than your average opponent. She also knew that Colonel Sheppard would only allow three people on his team to confront a Wraith in that manner and neither Carson nor Rodney were on that list.

"How is he Doc?" Colonel Sheppard's voice asked from behind her, startling her.

"Colonel, I'm not finished with you," Lana Morales announced as she marched up to the pilot. Her chocolate brown eyes were filled with annoyance and anger which served to hide the admiration and attraction which was normally there when talking about a certain military leader.

"You took my blood, checked my vitals and thoroughly examined me and you found nothing wrong. I think you're done."

"You're being a bit dramatic," Lana countered not phased by his snappy attitude. "I barely had time to examine your head, check your temperature and _attempt _to put the needle into your arm before you unceremoniously got off the bed and ran over here."

Jennifer stood off to the side watching to verbal tennis match with a mixture of amusement and frustration. Normally she wouldn't mind seeing a usual flabbergasted Lana gain her confidence and order the Colonel around but at the moment she had bigger concerns – like getting Carson onto a gurney and treating his wounds. As it was she smiled when she saw the pilot cover the crook of his left arm where a blood was currently trickling down his forearm.

"Good enough," John offered with a slight shrug, his hazel eyes focused solely on Carson. She saw the way his eyes roamed over Carson's body, searching for injuries that he knew existed and thought he could have prevented. He tried to hide the guilt in the green orbs when he refocused on Jennifer but she easily saw it lurking beneath the fake nonchalance. "How is he?"

"Well, he'll have one heck of a headache and be quite immobile for bit but he'll be fine." Jennifer looked around the infirmary, searching for someone to help her get Carson onto a gurney but they were busy with the current influx of marines and SGA teams that kept slowly trickling into the medbay. With a sigh she looked back at the Colonel. "Care to help me get him onto a bed?"

"I got it," Ronon answered causing Jennifer to once again jump in surprise. If she hadn't been striving to maintain a sense of professionalism she probably would have given both men a gentle slap of admonishment for sneaking up on her but it had been brought to her attention lately how unprofessional she could be so she was striving to change that.

With a gentleness that was, unfairly, often not attributed to the giant, Ronon scooped Carson into his arms and walked him over to the furthest corner of the infirmary. Normally that space was saved for the Colonel but Jennifer knew that Carson would appreciate the modicum of privacy it granted, especially since the Colonel obviously wouldn't be needing it.

Carson let out a small moan of protest as the movement jostled him but his eyes didn't begin opening until they'd gotten him settled and Jennifer began tending to his injuries.

"Ow," he groaned in a low growl. A grimace crossed his face, creasing the normal laugh lines that many women on Atlantis adored.

Jennifer stopped prodding his injured left side, choosing to bring her face into his bleary gaze. "Sorry Carson. But I need to get you bundled up and pillowed so you can be more comfortable."

"Bundled?" His face curled into confusion and his eyes squinted as though her were trying to bring her face into focus.

With the swift, practiced movement of many years' training, Jennifer pulled out her penlight and flashed it into the bright blue eyes. He squinted, grimaced and tried to bat her hand away but she grabbed on his hand and continued. His pupils were reactive which was good but it was obvious that he had a horrid headache and blurred vision which was normal given the concussion he had.

"Yeah," Jennifer answered. "Your chest alone is going to make you feel like you're wearing a parka. Not to mention the broken wrist and sprained knee."

"M'chest?" Carson tried lifting his head to look down upon the colorful array of bruises mixed with the feeding mark of a Wraith but his head proved to heavy for his neck to support and he collapsed back into the pillow with a groan.

"Just stay still and rest while I fix you up, 'kay?"

"Aye, I think that might be a good idea," he conceded tiredly in return, barely able to keep his eyes from closing on their own accord. She watched as his breathing evened out as well as it could indicating he was deeply asleep then went back to her job.

When it came time to wrap his chest Jennifer gently placed a wide gauze bandage over the feeding mark then had Ronon, who never left her alone with Carson, prop the Scot up so she could bind his ribs. It wasn't the normal practice anymore to bind broken ribs but given that it _did _help with managing pain, stilling movement, and keep the gauze in place she was willing to do it.

Once finished, Ronon continued to support Carson while she grabbed half a dozen pillows and strategically placed them on the bed. Ronon gently laid Carson down upon the pillows, making sure they were easing pressure off the broken ribs and painful feeding mark. Carson let out a sound that was a cross between a groan and a sigh.

Content that her patient was as comfortable as she could get him and that his friends would keep him company and make sure that he was alright, Jennifer left to go complete the mission check-up reports.

* * *

><p>Carson woke to a blinding headache, a throbbing wrist and knee, and a searing chest. <em>Oh bloody wonderful, <em>he grumbled to himself not at all excited about the idea of actually opening his eyes. He knew he should look around and see where he was at, although the smell of antiseptic and the feel of over-starched sheets would seem to indicate that he was in Atlantis' infirmary, but he couldn't summon enough energy or will to even try.

The extreme pounding in his head only increased when he heard several chairs scrape against the tiled floor and more than one voice called his name. He focused on the most prominent of them, the one belonging to Doctor Keller and turned his head in her direction. A low, drawn out moan escaped through barely open lips as his neck argued its dislike of what it was being forced to do and his brows drew together in the middle of his forehead in pain.

"Carson, I know it hurts but I need you to open your eyes for a few minutes," Jennifer gently urged.

"Yeah, come on Doc. We want to see those baby blues," John added.

"Oh do you have to boost his ego? It's bad enough that he already thinks he's attractive. Do you have to confirm it?" Rodney grumbled a little too loudly for Carson's liking.

"Rodney, if ye'll not be quieter I'll have Ronon throw ye out," Carson threatened. Normally this wasn't much of a threat given that Carson was the one in the bed but his voice was gruff from disuse and his accent grew thicker from pain lending much more menace to his usually gentle lilt. He was glad to see Ronon closer to the physicist, threatening him to follow through with his mere presence.

Struggling through the goo that apparently held his lids together, Carson finally managed to open his eyes and stare at six blurry faces that seemed to be looking at him in concern. "'Allo," he greeted wearily already exhausted by the sheer amount of effort it took to look around.

How are ya feelin'?" Jennifer asked him softly. He was grateful for the quiet tone of her voice and tried to offer her a smile in return. However it quickly turned into a grimace as more pain shot through his hurting body. "Sorry, I know it's a stupid question but we gotta ask. Let me check you over real quick then I'll give you something for the pain. Okay?"

"Can't you give him a little something now – to take the edge off?" Elizabeth asked, the anxiety in her voice making him wish he had more energy to smile. He could hear that she wanted to help ease his pain as soon as possible and he appreciated it.

"I'd prefer to give him a bigger dose all at once," Jennifer answered as she quickly began taking his vitals and checking his injuries.

He moaned when she shone her penlight into his eyes but he remained still knowing it was better to get this done now so that he could get the shot of pain relief he so desperately wanted. Sure enough the light didn't last longer than a few seconds before it was gone again and he felt the comforting cool of pain medication sweeping through his veins, putting out the fires that burned within him.

"There, that's better," Jennifer commented as she wrote down her findings in his chart. "I'll be back in another hour to check on you. 'kay?"

He gave her a brief nod of understanding before he closed his eyes to simply enjoy the feel of being pain free. When he opened them again, he saw the concerned faces of his friends, his family, staring down at him.

"Is everyone okay?" he asked, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Everyone's fine Doc."

"Everyone except you that is," Rodney pointed out with a strained smile on his face. "How is out of all of us, _you're _the only one who managed to get injured?"

"That's something I would like to know as well," Elizabeth responded. Clearly no on had told her what had happened.

* * *

><p><em>They left the Tiernans with each of them stewing silently in their own anger but none were half as furious, and devastated, as Carson Beckett. He couldn't believe the same villagers that he'd come to help had asked him to relive his worst nightmare and help make them immune to the Wraith with the Hoffan virus, thereby also killing at least half of their population. <em>

_It had been such a ridiculous request that at first Colonel Sheppard had laughed at them but when he'd received confused, and partially offended, stares in return he quickly sobered. Carson had tried to offer them something else, anything else but they only wanted this. He felt heat burn through his body easily boiling his blood but he hadn't gotten a chance to respond to the request for Rodney chose that moment to finally open his mouth and release a very long winded explanation as to why the Tiernans were completely and totally insane. _

_The leader, Virell, had spluttered indignantly at Rodney's verbal assault but he had no problem trying to physically stop the Lanteans from leaving. Several other villagers, each armed with some sort of primitive weapon, had begun to surround the team while they'd been too preoccupied with the audacity of the leader. Ronon growled menacingly at them all and though they all backed up a few steps, each and every one of them stood their ground, refusing to back down. It was only the sound of several Wraith darts overhead that saved them all from a massive fight as the villagers immediately scattered at the sound, hiding in their homes in hopes of safety. _

_With a sense of urgency that hadn't been there on the way to the village, the Lanteans quickly rushed to the safety of the gate. Rodney and Carson had been placed in the middle for their lack of battle skills and their own health as the group ran for their lives, their anger fueling their speed. _

_Thirty meters from the gate, three Wraith drones appeared out of the trees, their stunners aimed at the five visitors. Carson and Rodney moved away from the imposing figures, drawing their attention to themselves so that Ronon, Teyla and John could fire upon them. The plan worked but only until another two came from behind and grabbed them. The three team members spun around, ready to fire on the new assailants but were saved the trouble. _

_Carson, his temper fit to boil, had had enough of the Wraith and the problems they represented. He spun around before the drone could wedge him against its body and began landing punch after punch upon the ghostly flesh, only vaguely aware of the stunned, warning cries coming from behind him. The drone's minute of shock passed quickly and he easily swatted Carson away like a bat swinging at a fly. _

_The Scot landed hard against a tree, his right knee twisting painfully underneath him as the bottom of his leg turned one way but his upper body turned the other. He didn't have the breath to cry out but it wouldn't have mattered if he had because the drone charged him, angry at his assault. Carson glanced at where his friends were but they were busy holding off other Wraith intent on capturing the lot of them so he knew he would receive no help from them. He sprang at the drone, all his fury of the past several years finally coming to a climax. The two collided with enough force to match a shock wave but the drone's superior size easily dwarfed Carson's and they both landed hard on the ground, Carson on his back and the drone on top of him, his feeding hand attached to Carson's chest. _

_Agony coursed through his body as the drone began to feed. The force of the hand attaching itself to his body broke several of his ribs where the fall and landing against the tree had not. In vain, Carson struggled to get the Wraith off him but the bigger creature easily held down his fighting hand, crunching the bones in his wrist in its grip. _

_Stars exploded before his vision just as the pressure of the Wraith disappeared off his chest. Carson did his best to inhale but each new breath brought searing pain with it making him wish he didn't need air to survive. His head throbbed mercilessly but he didn't have time to wonder why as Colonel Sheppard and Rodney hauled him off the ground, not sparing him a glance when he cried out in pain from their rough treatment and began walking with him towards the gate. _

_Fifteen meters from the gate, Ronon joined the group, scanning the surrounding trees for signs of more as he walked along side them. Through the haze of pain, Carson saw the Satedan cast guilt ridden glances his way but he had no idea why. _

"_Did you have to kick him in the head?" Rodney griped in his ear though he knew it wasn't actually aimed at him. _

"_It was either that or let the Wraith," the word was spat out like the curse it was, "continue feeding on him McKay," Ronon answered in the normal gruff voice of his. He gave Carson another guilty look but swiftly changed his gaze to the terrain around them. _

"_Well next time could you be a bit more careful? Carrying him is going to give me scoliosis then how much good would I be to Atlantis?" _

It's always about you Rodney, _Carson griped in his head as the neared the DHD where Teyla was waiting rather impatiently for them to arrive. _

"_Even if Ronon _hadn't _kicked him in the head, he still wouldn't be able to walk McKay," John scolded though he didn't elaborate. _

"_Why not? That enzyme they give you makes you feel like Superman and the Joker in one." _

"_For one thing, Carson only got a small dose of the enzyme, it's not enough to make one feel super-anything. And for another, being fed upon _hurts, _Rodney. A lot." _

_The whining stopped after the last comment, each supporting man remembering the Colonel's time spent in the hands of Kolya and the Wraith they'd all come to know as Todd. They all filed quickly through the gate, Ronon replacing Rodney under Carson's right side so they could usher the annoying scientist through the wormhole to Atlantis._

* * *

><p>"That's why he has a concussion? You kicked him in the head?" Jennifer Keller had returned for the hourly neuro check and had patiently listened while the story had been told. Between the five of them, they'd managed to get it all out, grateful when one could not remember, the others could. It had been a shock to Carson to learn that Ronon had accidentally kicked him while he attacked the Wraith but he didn't hold a grudge against the Satedan giving the alternative.<p>

Ronon shrugged, hoping to hide his guilt from his friends by his seeming nonchalance but it only served to do the opposite. They saw the hated emotion spark within his green eyes as they quickly looked over Carson. "Better than letting the Wraith feed," he excused, his even tone going with his shrug.

"Aye lad it is and I'm grateful to you," Carson responded before his well meaning second in command had a chance to. At some point during the story, Carson had managed to sit half upright, forcing his neck to support his head and he focused on one friend or another or as the attention was put on him but now that things were done and settled, he found he could no longer keep up the show of awareness and allowed his head to sink back into the pillow, his eyes closing in relief as the weight was lifted from his neck.

He grimaced as pain shot through his chest, right where the bloody feeding mark was, as the skin was twisted in an attempt to get comfortable and he opened his eyes to find his friends looking down on him with concern and sympathy. His stomach rebelled at the wasted emotions. He didn't deserve either.

While Carson wasn't usually one to believe any human deserved to be fed upon, he found his mind had been changed. _He _deserved it. It was his penance for what he'd done on Hoff, for what he'd done to Michael – twice – and for what he had helped to create while being Michael's prisoner. It was _his _fault thousands suffered from a virus that hadn't been intended to be spread throughout the galaxy and while it was true he did his best to help, ever since coming back to live on Atlantis, he hadn't helped as much as he should.

It was true there wasn't much need for him to be – as Rodney would say – roughing it since the Wraith had somehow found a way to discover the planets and villages that the Hoffan virus had been delivered to but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty for every single life that was lost.

There had been a few that managed to escape notice. Some called those few lucky but Carson knew they were cursed. Almost every planet in the galaxy knew how Wraith handled any who held the virus in their system and none would take refugees from the villages in. Eventually the surviving refugees were either found or died from the exposure of the wilderness or the mistrust of people.

"We shall allow you to rest," Teyla said, bringing Carson from the despair of his thoughts. She gave each one of her friends a pointed look and soon the sentiment of "Get some rest" was echoed through every one of them; everyone except Ronon.

The Satedan waited till everyone had left then promptly settled himself into the chair to Carson's left, stretching his long legs out in front of him and slouching in the uncomfortable piece of furniture. He studied Carson with such intensity that had it not been close to torture to move, the Scot would have wriggled under the scrutiny.

"I'm sorry," he finally announced, his tone so serious Carson thought there was more to it than just accidentally hurting him. Hard, green irises stared at the gauze padding on his chest, a haunted look coming into them before he turned his gaze back to Carson. "I should have allowed you to get hurt."

"Och, Ronon. There's no need to apologize, lad. I am grateful that you pulled that bloody drone off me when you did."

"You shouldn't have had the Wraith on top of you in the first place," Ronon growled through clenched teeth.

"Now you listen to me," Carson lectured, putting as much strength into his voice as his weary body could manage. "You are not responsible for this. There's no bloody way ya could have known the Wraith would be there, and none of us are immune ta them feedin'! If it weren't for ye, I'd be a bloody skeleton right now, not lyin' here arguin' with ye, tryin' ta get the truth through your thick head."

Carson turned his head, wincing as his neck grumbled, and focused on the form trying to remain incognito in a darkened corner. "And the same goes for your Colonel. I'll not have ye feelin' guilty about me gettin' hurt either. This was no one's fault. Do ye understand me?"

"Got it Doc," John answered, blushing slightly at having been caught spying.

"Now then. If ya don't mind, I'd like to sleep for a wee while before Jennifer comes over to check me again."

"Good night Doc," John answered by way of assent. He turned on his heel, giving Carson one last guilt ridden glance before he made his way out the door.

Ronon remained where he was in the chair, staring defiantly at the annoyed Scot.

"That means you as well lad," Carson said in a sigh. His eyes were closed in hopes of getting some rest but he could feel the Satedan's gaze on him.

"Sleep well Doc," Ronon gruffed out. Carson waited then smiled when he heard nothing to indicate that Ronon was leaving. As it was he couldn't very well manhandle the man out of the infirmary but at the same time he didn't have a desire to. He hated to admit it but knowing the warrior was standing guard over him made him feel safe. Besides, if it helped soothe the Satedan's guilt to watch over him during the night, Carson wasn't going to argue.

_~fin~_


End file.
